The worst advice I was given

It involved ALWAYS. And therein lies the problem. To be clear, it’s most certainly not the worst advice. It’s wonderful advice. Except for the ALWAYS part. And there are limits to ALWAYS anything. Even the good stuff. It’s this that my father forgot about. In turn, I often forget about it. The problem is this: dad’s…

The simplest and most complicated question

“I just want to never stop loving like there is nothing else to do, because what else is there to do?” ~ Pablo Neruda Behind all we do and don’t do, all we feel and choose not to feel, all that is important and all that isn’t…there is a WHY. Actually, it’s a progression of…

A dangerous confusion: standards vs. expectations

Although they exist in parallel, the two are not interchangeable. Confusing them leads to lack of appreciation, unreasonable judgments, and disastrous misunderstandings that ruin relationships, and dismantle happiness. A standard is a level of quality that represents the norm (collective and/or personal). An expectation is the belief that something will, and should happen (or be)…

Gratitude for grief: the price we pay for love and belonging

“So it’s true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.” ― E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly The day after, you walk into another room, and another, focused on tasks, trying to avoid the absence. And the absence hits you every time, as if it forgot it hit…

The right kind of selfishness?

In a movie I was watching, someone explained they can be trusted with joining a mission not because they care about the cause or team members, but because they care about themselves too much and wouldn’t risk their reputation or safety. Selfishness indeed. But maybe selfishness can be useful. As a starting point for awakening, healing…

If niceness is a liability, what is the alternative?

It goes beyond kindness. It involves many things, including respect, and maintaining a certain decorum. Which is so old fashioned it seems. Apparently, niceness also involves people-pleasing issues, and not being yourself. So really, niceness is a liability. Not always, but often. Very often. Too often these days. Being sweet, considerate and polite takes you…

The difference between being guilty and being wrong

We’re all wrong quite often. But we’re not all guilty. Being wrong doesn’t make one guilty. It’s an important distinction, because guilt involves continual deceit, a habit of selfishness and inconsistency, carelessness, and bad behavior that’s recognized yet allowed to persist. Looking back at whatever places in our lives created scars, or maybe still hurt;…

What you want is not what you really want

“But, that flower, that “golden goodie”, isn’t at the end of the line, you’re in it! […] it’s the dance in which you’re involved, if you’d only realize that the purpose of life is not in the future. And if you think it is, you’ll go on and on looking for it there and never…

Forgiveness is wonderful, but it’s not a must for everyone

I will contradict some previous posts with this one. I too believed for a long time that forgiveness is the ultimate, absolute, non-negotiable goal, and until you are able to forgive someone completely (other than yourself of course), you haven’t healed. Worse yet, you’re not free. It’s humbling and truly impressive to witness how some…

We are not resistant to healing: we are afraid of pain

  After a very awkward encounter with the blade of an electric hedge trimmer last year, I ended up having to get stitches (first time in my life!) for a nasty cut on my finger. I was in a lot of pain, scared out of my mind, bleeding. Clearly, a visit to the doctor was…