High though his titles, proud his name,
Boundless his wealth as wish can claim
Despite those titles, power, and pelf,
The wretch, concentred all in self,
Living, shall forfeit fair renown,
And, doubly dying, shall go down
To the vile dust from whence he sprung,
Unwept, unhonor’d, and unsung”
~ Sir Walter Scott
Loneliness withers the soul, slowly making us oblivious to the withering, and to our beautiful needs for happiness, connection and sharing. Eventually, it kills the needs altogether.
Nobody really wants loneliness, yet many of us consistently invite it at different times in our lives by failing to hold on to what’s important, by taking love for granted and placing it on the back burner in favor of other priorities, or by refusing it when offered, for reasons that I won’t humor with attention.
Loneliness is a thief, a liar, and a murderer.
…and is not to be confused with solitude, that healing, empowering, gentle necessity of the mind and spirit we each must embrace on a regular basis in refreshing, healthy and mindfully chosen doses.
But cheer up. (Although how can you after that “unwept, unhonor’d, and unsung”…I did choose it for the drama after all.)
You haven’t landed at the doorstep of ‘depression central’. I just wanted to make a point about loneliness. As in…it’s a bad thing. Which means I’m writing about the virtues of love (here she goes again…).
Ok. Sharing a life with a special someone is the most natural and desirable thing in the world. Not only that, but it’s a priority!
And let me make it clear that when I say ‘a special someone’ I don’t mean a random partner who could easily be confused with a platonic roommate, a secretary or nurse on a payoll, or a Golden Retriever who fetches slippers and drools with excitement when we get home after a day at work.
That special someone I’m thinking about needs to be special. And the relationship with this person would be described as a beautiful fit between people, a genuine bond, an inspired connection. (Nice isn’t it…an inspired connection…I like it!)
Given this priority of love thing, it follows that if we are lucky enough to have found a special someone, loving them, supporting them, cherishing them above all else and sharing a life with them on every level trumps all else. Yep, ALL else. Special someones don’t grow on trees, and if we manage to lose or turn ours away, it’s really not a good thing. Like really not.
When I hear complaints about partners who simply don’t fit, or the ongoing difficulties in finding someone who does, my empathy and patience know no bounds. But when I hear or read about people complaining so much about other stuff in their lives, while they have at their side a loving, beautiful, sexy, supportive, smart, hard working, accommodating, thoughtful, and witty partner(or prospective partner), I grow very irritated very fast. It’s like listening to people cry that they’re dirt poor while standing on a pile of diamonds!
I do get some complaints. I complain, you complain, we all complain…because we all have problems, such as appliances that break, paychecks that often shrink (especially these days), bills that might go unpaid for a bit (or a bit more), jobs that aren’t always thrilling (or available), chores that are exasperating and never seem to end, kids that misbehave or consume our last functioning nerve, pets who shed and rip things, pipes that burst, relatives that bitch, deadlines that come too soon, and nights when rest decides to visit elsewhere. Life is full of challenges indeed, sometimes we hit rocky bottoms, we get exhausted and depressed, woe is us.
Now let’s get over it! There’s no excuse for a chronic lack of gratitude or for taking our blessings for granted.
I know, I know…we all get carried away, distracted from what’s important because we’re too busy waiting for this and that and the other thing, prioritizing problems instead of changing priorities so that we can actually solve the problems which distract us in the first place.
And at least when we’re very young, we have the ‘I’m clueless’ excuse. But after a while, if we do the same thing at an age when wisdom and experience should have left some helpful hints inside our hearts and minds, we seriously need to be smacked, or smack ourselves upside the head…with a 2×4.
If this is still unclear, then think of it this way: love is like lobster. (Those allergic or those who don’t eat/like seafood, substitute as needed in the following scenario.)
Imagine being in a small, rustic restaurant somewhere by the sea, ordering mussels, or clams, or raw oysters for appetizer, eating them and filling your plate and the whole table with shells. Next, imagine really wanting some lobster, which magically appears. Alas, there is no room for it, because your own plate and the whole table are full of shells!
Now think…what do you do? Do you get rid of all or some shells (not edible) so as to make room for the lobster (totally, yummily edible), or do you sigh deeply and pass on the lobster because there isn’t any room for it? (And then go home frustrated over having missed out on lobster…)
I apologize if this analogy falls short, but you get the point. If lobster is on the way, brought on a platter, to your table, for you to enjoy…get rid of some friggin shells! Stop bitchin’ about the restaurant not having better service or bigger tables, and do what you need to do to make room for the darn lobster!
I can just see how some of you reading this are going…”What the heck is she talking about? What’s with the lobster?”
Here’s what’s with the lobster…if you’re in a relationship that lacks in love, chemistry and tenderness, see if you can fix it, and if not, get the hell out – both of you deserve better. If you’re not carrying your weight in a good relationship, then get your act together. If you’re not pursuing a relationship because you’re afraid of being next to someone who fits and who will necessarily hold you to high standards on every level, purchase a 2×4, use it on yourself (see above), and then pray real hard that your special someone is still willing to take you on. If you’re waiting for some idealized circumstances in order to be closer to the person you love, or else be more attentive, affectionate, patient, or supportive, stop thinking and start acting now, before you miss the boat.
Unless of course you absolutely want to end up alone, unwitnessed, unwept, unhonor’d and unsung.
And now to wash some dishes and prepare dinner. Cheers! 🙂