Predictably, the ladies started to immediately bicker after that last post. The very sweet and lovely Doormat accused me of making her feel “like a total loser”, of embarrassing her in front of an audience, emasculating every man that ever lived…and she called the Goddess “a selfish, self-absorbed, superficial floozy”.
The Goddess was ok with my post but yelled at me for not letting her stand up earlier, and called the very sweet and lovely Doormat many nasty things, not least of which was “a brain-dead domestic”.
Doormat: “Oh yeah? Well you’re a fake!”
Goddess: (while rolling her eyes) “Look who suddenly has the nerve to speak up! What happened sweetie, did you develop an ounce of backbone?”
Well, you get the picture.
I would have gladly let them have at it indefinitely, except that when I tried to get away and do other things, they both dragged me back into the arena. After all, it was I who wrote the darn post, so whose side was I really on?
And so I was forced to sit and think about it some more, which made the Doormat smile as the Goddess smacked her forehead in desperation.
I really hate having to explain a rant, because by their very nature, rants are supposed to be taken as such and left alone. But this one was apparently a biggie, since it involved the dismissal of a lady who did reign rather supreme for a few decades…and the surrender to a newcomer who’s been waiting behind the curtain for her chance to shine, and was not about to make any concessions.
Although I was annoyed, I chose diplomacy. I reminded both ladies that humor is key, offered gracious compliments, and pointed out that as an eclectic at everything with a psychology degree, I’m constantly re-assembling bits and pieces so as to remove what doesn’t work and emphasize what does…which process is not always delicate or pleasant.
Well, that didn’t work. They both knew I was avoiding a straight answer and called me on it.
“Ok fine, you want to know what I think? I’m done with the domestic, humble, self-sacrificing bit. So welcome Goddess!”
Yes, the very sweet and lovely Doormat cried a little, but we sent her to a nice retreat somewhere far far away where I’m certain she’ll be very useful.
After that, I sat down with the Goddess and put together the new house rules:
1. will make a home but never be a housewife again
2. will keep strong and ambitious, along with soft and dreamy, irresponsible and lazy, affectionate and playful
3. will do anything for family, will never again apologize for or neglect personal needs, wishes and boundaries even if they remain somewhat negotiable and can be gladly put aside for a time
4. will always write love letters before paying bills
5. will continue to wear short skirts, high heels, designer perfume and sparkly things
6. will continue to fight for animal rights and cuddle with children as much as possible
7. will require that passion be backed by loyalty, and spontaneity by the habit of kindness and generosity
8. will continue to require independence, solitude, and uphold the sanctity of privacy (ask the kids!), while also insist that the only life worth living is a life crowded with love and purpose beyond one’s own comfort
9. will always challenge the status quo and detest waste
10. will always need art just because
11. will never again settle for being an option in someone’s life
12. will write shorter, more frequent posts
13. will remove makeup every night and moisturize religiously
I’m not going to share the whole list, because it’s very very long, and very very detailed, and you saw item no. 12, which I’ve already kinda ignored here, falling short of the goal with this long post, no pun intended…oh god, it’s late and we’ve had a long day.
So there you have it. Goddess is happy, Doormat is far away making herself useful, and I can finally go to bed.