“I don’t want to go on being a root in the dark,
vacillating, stretched out, shivering with sleep,
downward, in the soaked guts of the earth,
absorbing and thinking, eating each day.”
~ Pablo Neruda
We try so hard to figure out what happiness is, how to best live our lives, how to make the best decisions, how to be brave and strong. But as we unravel the mystery, all too often we get tangled up in the threads of wisdom at our feet.
We use such big words and invoke visions of greatness that overpower. We create the impression of such strict rules and arrogant expectations for ourselves and for others when trying to describe our simple needs. It is as if, in the attempt to pick a most precious and delicate flower, we end up cutting down the whole tree.
How sad that we should, for ourselves or towards another, ever fail to try or to trust, only because we are deceived by the way in which simple wants and needs end up being packaged…shy away from blessings, talents, opportunities and so much happiness, only because we are overwhelmed and blinded by the piles of instructions given to us in an effort to bring clarity.
Today, while re-editing some posts in this blog, I thought “My god, anyone reading all this, and on top of that talking to me about it, will imagine that what I might need or expect (and suggest others do as well) is something so monumental, so impenetrable and so perfect at all times that there is no way a mere mortal could ever live up to it”.
And it made me sad.
Because I am not the only one who ends up with so many big words when trying to describe the most delicate and humble things that dwell in freedom and joy in my heart…my needs and wants that are not shouts from some podium, but gentle whispers…awkward…shy…hopeful. Whispers that tell of the “permanent kisses” Neruda sings about in his poems.
And so, beyond the shadow of big words and heavy wisdom, I need to write this…and hopefully ease any misunderstanding to which I too have contributed.
The things we want (and do not want) are so simple.
We do not want to leave this world in a shroud of regrets and insignificance. We do not want to be held back by our fears. We want to be seen, opened, touched, loved, heard, witnessed, trusted and held…just a little. We want a little excitement, a little passion, a little joy, a little grace, a little dream coming true.
And “a little” is a measure of a depth, authenticity and genuine connection so profound…yet completely lacking in arrogance.
We simply want to live this life by living…not live by dying slowly.