Dear Universe, God, Great Creator and associates,
When most of us women ask you for a nice guy, what we mean is someone who neither represses nor seeks to control in the extreme. Beyond that, can we stick with that delicious tag line from The Cosmopolitan in Vegas commercials please? You know the one…”just the right amount of wrong”?
We can’t do this thing called dating if we have to be impressed by salaries instead of style, or endure conversations without an overdose of intelligent banter. You know, the kind that doesn’t turn ridiculous due to lack of finesse and well, genuine intelligence. At the same time, while we adore confidence and initiative, we find narcissism very not sexy. And false modesty or helplessness in the form of excuses are the most unattractive forms of arrogance.
Yes, money is nice and so is a lucrative career, but it’s gotta be interesting too. Please don’t send us someone who, upon offering to buy coffee or dinner takes out a wallet that is entirely too new, and then goes through the cash as if picking our the right $20 bill among many is something that requires some kind of admirable skill or careful consideration we should be impressed with and praise.
Please also don’t send anyone who would think to mention Rumsfeld’s memoir in casual conversation at 11 AM in Starburcks (or some ex wife for that matter), or goes into great detail about the stock exchange when he finds out you’re from New York, or checks to see what number the e-book he’s reading is on the New York Times Best Seller list for non-fiction…so as to show us (on an iPad) that the publication is, in fact, a best seller. (For example, no. 9 at the moment, The Great Deformation by David Stockman.)
Good looks and a decent haircut are ok, but will be undone by the absence of cologne, or the presence of a cheap one in great measure. Can you also please instruct males that when ties, watches, shoes, and everything else including expensive looking pens (not Mont Blanc) are overdone, they’re poor substitutes for an interesting mind and a wicked sense of humor, not to mention real taste in clothes. And having a kid in college, a retirement fund, and even a dog, make no difference if one doesn’t know how to pick an interesting restaurant that’s not a Tuscan nightmare randomly built in an American desert.
Oh, and can you please give men a clue that just because we order our iced mochas ‘sans whip’, we’re not necessarily dieting or interested in running marathons, nor do we wish to discuss the many varieties and benefits of soy milk, trail mix or similar. Or find it amusing to joke about a ‘whip’ with someone who lacks the ability to pick a fun pair of leather shoes to wear, let alone initiate a flirty conversation with kinky undertones in a non vulgar manner.
A house, a car and gadgets are very nice. But can you also send out a memo to the male species that a cruise in ’96 to the Bahamas does not a savvy world traveler make, and if one mentions Paris and the consumption of croissants, the word croissant must be pronounced properly and not uttered in its butchered form, namely ‘a crescent roll’. They do not make, sell or consume ‘crescent rolls’ in Paris.
What am I forgetting here? I’ve pledged to keep this short. Ahh…the memo about the fact that we want to love, not smother…nurture, not control. We want independence, not a carte blanche for neglect.
And also, very importantly, the memo about those of us who, despite smiles and a show of vulnerability, have actually walked through hell and back, and no longer have any inclination or reason to settle for anything or anyone who isn’t genuine and willing to not take themselves so seriously. So no attempting to get a phone number when one isn’t offered, or insisting while flashing some version of a seductive grin. If we want you, you’ll know.
And now to make this sweet…maybe I’m wrong, but I suspect many of us want someone who not only understands and appreciates these verses, but is willing to give them a go in life…simply, gratefully, with lightness and humor. You know, someone who’s willing to try to trust connection, tenderness and love… because they really are all we ultimately have and can count on:
“I want both of us
To start talking about this great love
As if you, I, and the Sun were all married
And living in a tiny room,
Helping each other to cook,
Do the wash,
Weave and sew,
Care for our beautiful
We all leave each morning
To labor on the earth’s field.
No one does not lift a great pack.
I want both of us to start singing like two
About this extraordinary existence
You, I, and God were all married
And living in
Room.” ~ Hafiz