“What you seek is seeking you.” ~ Rumi
At midnight tonight, I celebrate the miracle of resurrection. (I know, most of you who do celebrate Easter did it last month!)
It is a cleansing of shadows, of habits, of inherited limitations that could not be overcome until now….a renewal made possible by something we are part of and is greater than who we are alone. It is a powerful metaphor and manifestation of what we need so very much.
And so I am not surprised by the unexpected and intense feelings and events of today. Everything happens for a reason. Perhaps today, the reason is to open a door that’s never been closed, but might seem so…or at least appear pretty much impossible to open wide enough.
By default, we are raised into a life of transactions. We exchange currencies for favors, trade in tickets at each other’s booths. We are beautiful shells who simply bargain for a better spot…counting change, stacking IOUs, keeping score…vigilant to keep things in balance, yet always coming up short.
Of course. In this kind of life, nothing is clean or free. Even love and trust are the outcomes of transactions, tangled up in the paperwork, in the rules and measures.
This kind of life works, and works very well sometimes. Until the day that we realize we are so crowded by receipts and ledger books that we can’t breathe. There is no more room for the soul to even sleep in oblivion, let alone dance.
So we ask for change. And change comes, usually in the most inconvenient of circumstances. The universe has a wicked sense of humor after all.
We should not wonder how sometimes we show up in each other’s lives out of nowhere. It’s not random. Souls call out and find each other.
The opportunity is rare but clear. No more transactions. From now on, life can be about co-creating individual and common substance. WE are the currency. The beloved is the gift. We don’t want to be with another’s money, status or achievements. We don’t want to change the other, but embrace them and laugh with them at all of our own and each other’s quirks. We want to make mistakes and beautiful things together, and witness each other’s individual mistakes and beautiful things.
This new life doesn’t mean “living on air and love” as it might seem because of how we romanticize it with words. It means creating a structure to sustain practical needs in a different way…freely, and together. Nothing is fake, nothing is forced. It’s about two people loving, understanding and supporting each other with connection and freedom…respectful of each other’s needs and space instinctively…negotiating only in the sense of varying the steps of the dance, with curiosity and trust…with joy.
It is about being willing to look at each other and learn what the other might need…and not mistake that for a transaction, but allow a free giving, feel what it is to give in this new way that doesn’t leave a paper trail or require a calculator.
If you’re thinking all this sounds almost too good to be true, it’s what most people think, because we are, after all, so used to transactions. And sadly, ironically…because it is so good, it creates fear and uncertainty, which brings everything to a halt.
The old “transaction” reasoning returns…the same infernal habit that cages a real, beautiful and different thing with old habits: “Oh, I have nothing to offer”…”This can not work…look, there is fear…so it must be wrong.”
Projections from the past come in…the life of transactions smothering the potential at hand, preventing it from growing…killing it. And for no other reason than lack of familiarity with what is real and new…what is wrong, old yet well-known takes over. One assigns the beloved the role of a booth waiting for tickets to be turned in, and since one might have no tickets in hand, one leaves.
Dear God, it can not be this way. When there is an option to live differently, when there is someone with whom we’re not condemned to an eternity of transactions, when there is a beautiful balance and truly flawless connection…it can not possibly be wasted. These are the miracles in life…they can not be allowed to die just because people have too many strong and bad memories!
And it can not be that one might think himself inferior to another because two people have different talents that complement each other and bring out in the other exactly what he/she needs. One is not superior because they nurture more self-confidence, and one is not superior because they nurture the more emotional side. There is no “higher” level each must rise to so as to catch up with the other.
There is so much to say and explain. But I leave this in the hands of light. And so my prayer is this…
Let there be a beautiful cleansing, and clarity restored. Let those who need to see, see…that what is unfamiliar is not always a dangerous darkness…that loving does not involve forging paths or building palaces alone, and then delivering a pre-fabricated life on someone else’s doorstep…that being loved does not create a debt to be repaid, but guarantees the absence of one.
Please, for once, believe the light and not the darkness.
Be well and be blessed.