Not everyone always goes away in the end

on

two horses in field

“But listen to me. For one moment quit being sad. Hear blessings dropping their blossoms around you.” 
Rumi

The other day a post on my feed brought me the lyrics to the song “Hurt” by Johnny Cash. And two lines stood out for me as they did the first time I ever heard it: “everyone I know goes away in the end”.

Forget the song or what it’s specifically about. I’ve heard this line so many times, from so many different people in so many different circumstances…this terrible prediction and conclusion that when we are at our worst, if we keep it up for too long, nobody will hang around.

This one line always broke my heart…and it also irritated me at the same time. Something about it didn’t add up.

Anyone who’s been given chances even after they messed up, had someone love and believe in them no matter what, was forgiven, understood, given support at the worst of times knows too well what these gifts mean, and to what extent they can help turn a really bad situation around…even a whole life.

We all know it’s easy to love, be supportive and loyal when someone is lovable, positive and appreciative. Not so easy when they’re not. But  that’s when they need love, support and loyalty the most. That’s when we need these things…when we are at our lowest points…to remind us of who we are, and who we strive to be.

And I don’t know about you, but in my mind, there is always the trust that all of us, if given sufficient love and support will always choose the best in ourselves and our circumstances. Always.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be the case. And walking away, even if inevitable, seems to say to whoever is left behind, at their worst possible moment, that indeed, everyone does give up and goes away in the end.

I struggled with this issue for a very long time. How do we know if we’ve given someone absolutely everything we’ve got? How do we know they have all of what they need before we turn around and walk away because it makes no difference?

Finally, I realized what didn’t add up in that line…that it’s not only about someone else…it’s about each of us contributing whatever we can, even if it’s very little at times, to our own wellness and happiness. No love and support we receive from someone is ever going to be perfect or sufficient. Whatever we are offered must be added to something that we are willing to give to ourselves as well.  Unless we recognize, trust and accept our own gifts, we are unable to accept anything from another.

So the answer here is that everyone does not always go away in the end. There are those, admittedly not many, who will love, support and stand by us no matter what. Maybe not forever…but certainly for a very long time.

But we ourselves can end up always going away from ourselves in the end, fulfilling our own false prophecy with a bitter and unnecessary proof.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Peter says:

    One of the best things we can learn is to actually like ourselves. If we don’t, often others won’t either and it affects all sorts of things. The people who need our help, love and friendship the most, often cannot receive it because of rejection. For whatever reason they feel rejected, and feel unworthy of our friendship & help. The very thing they need the most, they reject, often strongly, because they are simply unable to receive it.

    One of the greatest gifts a parent can give their child, is the security that comes from knowing that they are loved unconditionally, even when they behave badly, and that they are worthy of love, they are worthy of friendship, that they have great worth in and of themselves, and that they are likeable.

    Like you I’ve seen the damage done to people when they haven’t received this, and it makes life so much harder for them. Mind you, they can often be high achievers as they try to compensate for what’s missing in their personal lives, but it’s better to have both.

    Like

  2. Joanna L. says:

    Great comment Peter, thank you.

    Like

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