“…teach me how to trust my heart, my mind, my intuition, my inner knowing, the senses of my body, the blessings of my spirit. Teach me to trust these things so that I may enter my sacred space and love beyond my fear, and thus walk in balance with the passing of each glorious sun.” ~ Traditional Lakota prayer
For some time now, there’s been too much struggle, worry, loss, illness and sadness all around. And in the last days, yet another wave. What I find infuriating is that those hit most often and hardest are the most generous, honest, hard-working, genuine and loving people among us.
And grace, healing and tangible, positive changes are not fiction or wishful thinking. Sometimes I wish I didn’t know this. Without going into details here, let’s just say that with intention and especially the intervention of a healer, things happen. Good things. Immediately. Witnessing that for yourself and for others makes it that much more difficult to deal with situations when the kind of help that is clearly needed doesn’t arrive.
So of course, it all got to me, and I started yelling at the universe for a few days now…at healers, at positive energies, at all the gods and saints and what have you. Then, when I couldn’t yell anymore, I sat quietly on the grass, with bare feet, and started to listen.
There was only silence for a long time, until I finally heard my own question: “You don’t have any answers. So who wins?”
And THAT did it.
Darkness…whatever it is that you are, with your sinister cloak embroidered with greed for our sorrow and despair, YOU do not win. Not now, not ever.
Yes, with unfathomable cruelty, you can very easily take anything and destroy it. You have and you will shatter lives and people and hearts. You can and you will soak your greedy fingers in blood and tears, again and again, as you reach into our souls and crush our most beautiful dreams.
Yes, you can and do breathe foul fear and indifference into the hearts of some, and they will do your work without knowing it.
Still, you do not win.
There may be no answers, or at least too few…and many of us may be standing alone.
But we do stand. And when we can not stand, we kneel. Either way, we choose something else, despite your menacing presence and power.
There is a greater power than yours…in little things which you can not fathom.
Like the option of kindness for no other reason than trying to give or do a little good which may or may not ultimately make a difference, or be acknowledged…let alone rewarded.
Like the trusting of one’s heart even after one of your shatterings, despite knowing you can smash it again and again without warning or mercy.
Like the courage to love, even if it often feels like grabbing a double-edged blade…because pain can be transformed by sacred patience and by trust into a humble lesson and a blessing.
No, you do not win.
Because you will never understand how there can still be light and strength in everything and everyone, despite the terrible stories you make them wear and the untruths you make them believe.
Because there is such a thing as acceptance, honesty, humility, and hope. And especially forgiveness. Yes, we become “like that fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” (quote by Mark Twain)
You hate that fragrance. You want anger, you want to hear curses not blessings. You want us to yell at the gods and blame them for our witherings because of all that you often steal from us.
But you shall hear blessings. And you will see us smile somehow though every tear. And we will choose against you, again and again. And the sweet fragrance of violets will surround you always.
No, you will never win.