reluctant yet complete.
reluctant because it is probably doomed. such is the nature of these things.
they need to be seen and then taken.
if they are only shown or given, they vanish.
but he did say i must and would do this, because only I can.
maybe he was wrong. it doesn’t matter. it is complete.
imperfect, reluctant, but, for now, complete.
and so perhaps yesterday or tomorrow,
when remembering a future
there you are, sitting on that rock,
watching the moon dance on waves
painting your face with light.
and yes happiness, my toes sink in the sand,
and water tickles my skin with the mystery I love and fear,
and I just picked up a little shell that looks so shiny and magical in this light.
…so beautiful, this light.
and there you are, smiling, and I can see it even though I am not looking.
and you shout something wrapped in laughter
about not getting my dress all wet,
but my dress is already soaked and I am
because you smile that everything smile, the same one that came
when fountains started to dance, and it just lights up the world.
somehow, lights it up at night and in the day
brighter than anything, because that is how everything smiles are:
home and joy and fear together.
yes, I know, I have seen and still see,
but the difficult things are only a healing, hard and necessary
or even harder than that.
and everything will be well,
I saw that too.
and you know what I also learned, I learned
that dying in this life is very tiresome, so
I forgot how to die, and it is the only choice,
because the other way is not the path at all.
not even close.
and no, i tried, but nobody can cheat even a little.
the most we can do is love, gratefully,
without asking for permission or reward,
if and when
we understand the point to all this that sparkles in the world.
which I think is not so difficult…
because I learned that to become unbroken
one has to simply and humbly agree to let only the heart see
and also know even the dark things.
(which are not dangerous if the heart sees them)
and really, people are not broken, only sometimes
if they are very lucky, they get very sick
and cleansed of all that they didn’t know they carried.
because that is why people eventually forget they are fragile and beautiful,
and then we don’t know another way, and
something very difficult must come to pass.
to make us small again.
and empty, and trusting.
and no, I will not run too far but I do run a little,
and dance while all the guitars in the world play a beautiful song.
you know the one, because everything that is truly connected sings the same song
and it takes your breath away when you first hear it.
…hear how the sand sings like the sea even though it is not the sea,
and the book sings like the rock even though it is not the rock,
and the tree like the moon and the soul like all of them
only not everyone can hear the song, and sometimes
we do not hear it either because we are learning
something that is also important.
but then you know all this because you taught me
how to know these things better, and now I do.
so, I sometimes smile that everything smile too
because it makes the moon happy, and of course
there is more, and it all comes gently and unexpectedly,
if and when of course. not otherwise.
because that’s just how it sometimes works.
and I don’t know why but it is simple I think, and humble.
and the many, many words are really just one word
(a part of the song…Mallorca, Po. 202, Julian Bream, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27fgP7-pG64)