Living with denial: a slow suicide for the sake of comfort


So how much denial are we willing to endure for the sake of comfort?

Apparently, quite a lot.

Because let’s face it, we are creatures of comfort.

Yes, we applaud the heroes and rebels, we get misty-eyed over motivational speeches and stories that reach happily-ever-afters despite the most excruciating challenges.

But when it comes down to ourselves and our own lives, we get rather indulgent when we measure how much of that toxic element that is denial falls within non-lethal limits.

We are, more often than not, inclined to embrace what we know is so not right or nearly enough. And we excel at finding justifications for why it’s ok to sit and witness the slow death of our dreams and potential, the needs of the soul.

Our denial maintenance methods are true and tested. In a bind, we pretend that we’re simply grateful for what we have (therefore the status quo of denial), and begin to weave an intricate veil of endearments with which to cover up our true thoughts, feelings, intuition and circumstances.

When it all gets to those unbearable thresholds when we suffocate and can no longer swallow our own lies, we reach for every distraction we can find. Yes, we count our money. Yes, we take refuge in social events where we dazzle and get rewarded with validation. We review our accomplishments at work, buy the kids some darling new clothes and desirable toys. We become most accommodating and even tender with our partners. We exaggerate and idealize every single detail of our lives, put words and thoughts into our own mouths and heads to explain our choices, our intentions and of course, our immense contentment with it all.

Inside, we shudder and shrink even more. Because we know better. And authenticity is not a symptom of frivolity or lack of gratitude for what is. We are here to be free and to grow. We are here to do whatever we can and fulfill our potential…in love, in work, in everything. We are not here to decorate our lives with pretty things that look good, feel good and make us look good. We are here to live.

Yes, perhaps this last full blue moon coming up (next one is in 2018) is to blame. I can tell you that many, including myself, ended up in a place where we are forced to take a brutally honest look at who we truly are, what we truly want. The denial we find is monumental. Surprising, especially for those of us who pride ourselves in constant and thoughtful self-analysis.

And not only are we forced to look, but the universe is not letting us off the hook it seems with a mere viewing. Much has been thrown upside down and inside out. That’s what the universe does sometimes when we seriously don’t get it: it gives us a decisive shove.

Of course the pleas to shake up denial and be real, honest, to do something about what needs to be desperately and immediately done end up either as ‘sermons’ delivered to the choir or fall on decidedly deaf ears. Convenience is so much more convenient.

We’re not ‘really’ committing suicide. In fact, many of us have done quite well so far, denial and all. To change anything would cause such disruption, invite risk, and would require so much work, commitment, persistence. Who needs all that? Surely we’ll figure out a way to float along with the same lukewarm, not necessarily unpleasant flow of things as they are. After all, doesn’t everyone compromise, and isn’t everything a compromise?

There are no magic tricks to motivate us into denying denial. That solitary death-bed in which we have to face ourselves is a long way into the future. We are here, in the now, and it’s all so cosy if we keep focusing on all the advantages. Who needs light? Who needs fire? Who needs all that passion and sweat and honesty? Overrated Hollywood drama.

I’ve thought long and hard, while dealing with my own denial, of what I would wish for myself and for everyone else. And my wish is simple: I wish that all of us can have at least the opportunity to see our own truth…see ourselves, even for a moment, for who we really are. What we do with that truth is our choice. But we should at least get a true picture before we decide.

One Comment Add yours

  1. We LOVE this post, you nailed it! Thank you for putting this out there.


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