I’ve said it before that there is one…one story, in all the books and all the movies and all the love letters.
And once again, I find proof.
It’s so strange, and so miraculous to find yourself translating your own thoughts and lessons…written into words by someone else.
My thoughts and lessons were lived in English. These words were originally written by a stranger in the language of my childhood.
Speak before it’s too late. Fight before you no longer want to. Love before you no longer can.
So many loves fail only because they were not lived when there was a chance to do it. So many people suffer only because they did not accept another person in their lives when the opportunity came. Timing wasn’t to blame, only themselves.
Decisions determine our futures. Choices determine the degree of our happiness. A second in life can be worth a lifetime, and we live a lifetime in a second, if we live it next to the right person for us.
Our problem is that too often we insult time and those who offer to love us completely, openly..and then we insult ourselves by being cowardly, reserved, timid and mute in love. Instead of daring, we take a step back. We come up with stupid excuses like “That one is better than me, he/she is deserving of the one I love”. Bullshit, she/he wanted YOU!
Before you can say it’s too late, you face a long road and a fierce fight with your own loneliness. After passing through, you will find it’s possible to open your soul. You’ll want to talk to someone. To love someone. You will understand how false and fleeting pleasures are. And then you will want to hold the hand of someone genuinely dear to you. It will be necessary to speak to that person. It will be necessary to fight for that person. It will be necessary to love that person with all you have.
There are no ‘filler’ excuses for the failure of your life. There should be no reservations when it comes to what you truly want. It’s much harder afterwards to live with the feeling that you didn’t dare when you had the chance. It’s much harder to live with disappointment for a lifetime. To see someone you loved more than anything holding another’s hand. And maybe even children around that should have probably been yours.
Life was always a fight. To have, you must prove. To be heard and listened to, you must speak. To be happy, you must love. Love as if this was the last day of love on this earth.
I thought of excuses of course. There are so many. Some of us are legitimately scared or scarred. Some are controlling, or selfish, looking for a comfortable adventure that demands no real investment, sacrifice or risk. Some are just plain ignorant, or cruel, or else get bored of even an extraordinary love simply because it came too easily. I could go on and on.
Yes, our excuses are many. And we can judge others all we want, but ultimately we’re all in the same boat if the result is the same.
I was almost there. There was no way I would risk dying one more time. Ever. There was no way I would allow anyone to see my scars, or my shame for having allowed myself to get them. So yes, I say it humbly…opening the soul is the hardest thing.
And yet so simple.
If we don’t take a chance, we lose big time. And we risk ending up with something much worse than nothing, even if we manage to surround ourselves with pleasant, expensive and lovable props.
Without that special loved one who makes everything complicated and is so right, we end up with an empty heart. And an empty heart isn’t nothing…it’s an infinite solitude. Infinitely heavy, infinitely brutal, infinitely dark. Such a heart is, like C.S. Lewis wrote, irredeemable.