Who’s in charge?

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Here I am complaining about this and that, hoping of course for an encouraging comment. And what do I hear?

“You know those thoughts, decisions, feelings and reactions you think you’re in control of? Well, think again.” (laughter follows)

And it’s true. Just do a search and you’ll get to read all about the 95/5 rule, where 95% of the brain’s activity is estimated to be unconscious.

I knew this, but forgot about it. And like pretty much everyone else, consistently struggle with running new software on an old, expired platform while blaming the software.

So then, updates are sorely needed. Expired patterns analyzed and removed. To have peace. And do things that make sense without having to fight through a mob of doubts and fears every single time.

It’s amazing, and truth be told, also disturbing at first, to start digging and recognizing what exactly is at the core of so many issues you struggle with.

Remember when dad said you were not good at something? You were a kid, and vulnerable, and didn’t know how to put things in perspective. So now decades later you’re still seeking validation and trying to prove yourself. Or else failing on purpose because being a failure is what you believe you are/deserve.

A simplistic example perhaps, but so much of who we are and what we manifest has everything to do with patterns, and stories that are well buried in our subconscious. And that’s who’s at the wheel.

Your rational mind of today can’t make any sense of it all, because you know better yet can’t feel or do better. And what’s more, you somatize various physical and emotional issues in order to accommodate some old story.

Enter cognitive dissonance and welcome to dysfunction.

Marisa Peer often talks about the kid with migraines who described the fact that when he has a migraine, the parents turn off the lights and sit with him quietly…not fighting. The other self sabotage stories about everything from weight gain to failures at work or relationships are quite something.

And she’s not the only one who talks about this. More and more, therapists are looking beyond mostly addressing symptoms. You can cover up or navigate around symptoms, or even condition yourself to an automatic management strategy. But the core issue remains, and will pop up again, in another way.

Figuring out what’s underneath the illusion of control you have is such important and necessary work. Fascinating really.

And the best part is, it all leads to unpacking irrelevant, expired baggage. Cleaning up that 95% and replacing old parts with new, healthy ones that actually serve you.

“Delve into the unconscious, to learn the codes inside the unconscious, to discover what are its views of reality. No amount of conscious desire for something can overcome an unconscious belief that if you had that thing, it would destroy you. […] Gradually de-layer the unconscious beliefs that reside silently, but deadly, in your unconscious. In trying to help you to survive, the unconscious could be in fact destroying you.”

― Laurence Galian, Beyond Duality: The Art of Transcendence

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