Old dogs can always learn new tricks – and should

A short story about a cat, not a dog. When we rescued Freddy, a beautiful grey cat who later turned out to be a Russian blue, he had been hanging around in the lobby of an apartment building for weeks. He would walk a few steps and then lie down. Apparently, to at least the…

Not who you are

After three years of a pandemic that drained even the luckiest among us, another major conflict is unfolding. Because there wasn’t enough conflict and suffering in the world. Or poverty. Or enough refugees. It was late at night when I saw the first post on social media about troops having gone into the Ukraine. I…

Understanding that one fear

Photo by Sammie Chaffin on Unsplash “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has…

The poison of extreme independence

Sadly, it’s something we see too often: that person who is unreachable, who needs no one, who seeks total control, no matter how excruciating it is to keep up the act. That extremely independent and totally self sufficient human who lives a performance instead of an imperfectly blossoming life. And no, it’s not healthy. And…

the greatest fear is of the best things

the worst thing to fear is not failure, but regret. and yet, there is something else that scares us more. it’s not worse than regret…because nothing can be worse. but the prospect of getting the best things we could want to achieve is terrifying. mediocre successes are easy to handle. there is joy and security…

Thoughts on presence

Presence. It’s a big word. A big thing. A difficult thing. A thing of much magic. Given enough time and life struggles, the most ambitious love or goal will be challenged in frightful ways. And the truth is, there are always reasons to leave. Sooner or later…always. And another truth is, it’s easiest to see…

A dangerous confusion: standards vs. expectations

Although they exist in parallel, the two are not interchangeable. Confusing them can lead to lack of appreciation, unreasonable judgments, and disastrous misunderstandings that ruin relationships, and dismantle happiness. A standard is a level of quality that represents the norm (collective and/or personal).An expectation is the belief that something will, and should happen (or be)…

When your beloved is Dr. Jekyll and also Mr. Hyde – understanding Borderline Personality Disorder and traits

“Real love is a rich, highly sustainable, consistent emotion, which a Borderline cannot tolerate.” ~ Shari Schreiber If you’re struggling with a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde partner, or recovering from a relationship with that type, you will find this very useful given the overwhelming confusion and heartbreak associated with such cases. The assumption in any relationship…

We can not live without what we love

We can, in fact, survive without what (or who) we love. Empty, increasingly exhausted, sporadically satisfying, perpetually frustrated lives revolving around routines and expectations are more the norm than the exception. So to ask “what is it that you can’t live without?”, which describes what you love, is a question of the highest urgency and…

Rise on your terms: how to overcome the shame in healing

“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.”~ Dr. Brené Brown The challenge in healing is a battle with shame. And it starts with shame for the fact that you need healing in the first place. Healing is not often enough thought of as ‘regular maintenance’ (which it is), or…